Sit, Stay… Breathe.” A Dog Trainer’s Lesson in Patience (from the Other End of the Leash)

I’ve spent years helping dogs and their humans find better ways to live together. Teaching patience, consistency, calm communication. But here’s the kicker — while I was busy helping others build trust with their dogs, I was quietly fucking it up at home. Not intentionally, of course. But pain, both the physical and emotional kind, has a funny way of wearing down even the best intentions.

This post isn’t about dog training tips. It’s about something harder to teach: patience. The kind you need not just for dogs who won’t sit when you ask — but for your own kids when they’re melting down at the worst possible time. For your partner when they need support but you’ve got nothing left in the tank. For yourself, when chronic pain makes every day feel like you’re stuck in a game of fetch where life throws the ball and you’re the one who gets hit in the face.

The Realisation (a.k.a. the Gut Punch)

It took me longer than I care to admit to realise how snappy I’d become. How easily irritated. How quick I was to bark — not in anger, but in that sharp, defensive way pain teaches you. The result? Distance. Resentment. Distrust. Not because I meant to hurt anyone. But because it’s hard to be the dad, the husband, the dog trainer you want to be when your patience has been chipped away by years of frustration, discomfort, and pretending everything’s fine.

Chronic Pain is a Liar It whispers things like,

“You don’t have time for this.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“This shouldn’t be so hard.”

It tricks you into believing that your short fuse is justified. That the people around you are the problem — when really, it’s just your own cup that’s been empty for so long, you’ve forgotten what a full one even feels like.

Training Dogs Taught Me What I Was Missing

I’ve worked with dogs who’ve come from trauma, pain, and unpredictability. And you know what works with them? Gentleness. Predictability. Trust. Not control. Not dominance. And certainly not impatience.

So, if I could be that for a scared and anxious dog… why couldn’t I offer the same to my kid? My partner? Myself?

The Shift

I’m learning to pause. To breathe.

To check in before I react.

To admit when I’m not OK, instead of powering through on autopilot.

To stop expecting perfection from myself — or anyone else, for that matter.

And also realising, that every single one of us have our own demons that we need to conquer. So having patience for not only myself, but for everyone around me.

Is it easy? Nope. Do I still lose my cool sometimes? Absolutely.

But now I see it. And more importantly, I own it.

Why Share This?

Because I know I’m not alone. Whether you’re a parent, a partner, a dog trainer, or just a human with a body that sometimes betrays you — we all hit our limits. And when we pretend we’re fine, we miss the opportunity to grow.

So here’s my new mantra: Sit. Stay. Breathe.

Not just for the dogs… but for me.

For the dad I want to be. The husband I want to be. The man I’m still becoming.

And if sharing this helps even one other person put the leash down and take a breath — then it’s been worth it.